You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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