She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
