You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
