$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
