I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
