Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
