Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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