You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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