hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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