Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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