sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
