i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
