I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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