We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
