please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
