Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
