I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
