1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
