it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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