why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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