He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
