Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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