go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
