Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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