I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize