I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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