All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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