i barfeds in our rink
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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