getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Boobs are out for the taking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
