btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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