State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
