i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
