It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
