Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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