I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
