and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You made out with two different species that night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
