I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
