At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
