Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
