If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
