After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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