Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
