dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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