Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
