I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
