really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
