You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
