He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
