My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
