you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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