Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
