You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
