If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
