So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
