Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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