its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
