I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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