Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
