You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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