Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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