so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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