she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
