Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
