I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
