we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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